Notes from a Meditation – 5/2/2015

I thought it might be a special day to meditation because it’s a full moon and it’ll be the first time I meditate outside this year.  It was. (it’s rather long post, btw)

I reached out to my Parent Moon, a mixture of both masculine and feminine energy (though I usually feel the feminine more often), and came face-to-face with it and also saw the silver shimmer surrounding it. I sent my affection of being a descendent of them and they showed me my own soul: silvery shimmery, like they, but also some dark rainbow glitter, from the stars I am also made of.

We embraced and when we let go I asked how come I didn’t meet my spirit-sister yesterday.

They said they don’t deal with the timing of the Universe, they just… make more? (I can’t clearly explain the imagery or feeling. They like seeing their children born and finding themselves [learning who they are and where they come from] and other relatives  With more attention on the “finding other relatives” part.)

I asked what I could do to honor and thank them and they said they were satisfied with how it is. I said, “If I remember correctly, the last time I spoke to you I asked if a nice statue on my bookshelf altar would please you. You said it would. Would you still like that?”

The Moon thought it over a little, though I already knew the answer. “Yes,” they said. “I would like that.”

I said I would be on the look out for the perfect statue.

We embraced once more and then they pushed me to my beginning visual for when I regularly do meditations. I went though the tunnel and knelt down at the Pond of the Universe. I thanked the Universe for giving (physical) me a chance to exist.

It said it wasn’t chance, that I had a purpose and I was really close to finding it.

I walked up the stairs and found my meadow in the throws of glorious spring! Lush green grasses, gorgeous blue skies, buds everywhere, and the wheat stalks full and mature. I visited them and they were so excited and happy. It was intoxicating.

I saw the Lady of the Cards and gave her my respect. I told her I’d be reading tonight and she was happy. She said she’d be there by my side.

I went into my little meadow in the trees and I walked around the perimeter. I knelt to Artemis and greeted her. She seemed a little forlorn so I asked what was the matter.

She sighed and I got the sensation it had to do with other Gods? From other pantheons?

“Can I help in anyway?”

She smiled sadly and put hand on my cheek.  “Always willing to help.” But no, it’s just something she’s got to deal with.

I called to Hawk, who came swooping down so fast! I could feel his joy! He came ‘round a second time and took me on his wings. We flew to Egypt where we sat near the top of one of the pyramids.

I thanked him for taking me here; I love coming.

“This is your home, isn’t it?” I asked while looking out.

Yes, he said with affection.

“Do you visit it often?”

He chest swelled with pride.

We sat in silence for a little but until I broke it. “I don’t want to nag or seem like I’m picky, but I thought I was supposed to meet my spirit-sister yesterday.”

Yes, you were supposed to meet your sister yesterday.

“Did I do anything wrong?”

No, it wasn’t your fault.

“What happened?”

It’s complicated, he said. She got caught up in something beyond her control so she couldn’t/didn’t come.

“Will I still meet her?”

You will, but not for some time. (I get the feeling of later this year… perhaps in about six months? August-September-October?) The undertone in his voice tells me that he’s disappointed in the “establishment” for “rearranging schedules.” (That was just the sensation I got.)

“I hope she’s alright.”

She is; just be patient.

I grin. Patience. “But the dizziness I got while in the room with that other woman? I don’t understand, what happened?”

You were reaching out to her because you thought she might be your sister, but your energy just rebounded back to you.

We sit, then, looking out.

“I have a couple more questions.”

He chuckles softly. I always have “a couple more questions.”

“When the Angel came to me last year, you were proud even though it turned out to be a nasty trickster Angel.”

He looks at me out of the corner of his eye.

“Okay, just a trickster Angel. But it came to me and wanted to work with me. Why were you proud even though I turned my back on it?”

He doesn’t say anything but he’s expecting something.

“Was it because it was my first encounter with… anything?”

I get a closer feeling from him.

“And that I figured out I would have gone down the wrong and dark road if I did follow it?”

I think this is what he wants me to know. That I did it by myself.

“You know, it kind of imitated Artemis. And while I don’t doubt you, I could never doubt you, I don’t doubt Artemis 90% of the time. But sometimes I wonder if Artemis is Artemis or if the Angel just got good.”

Hawk leans in and nuzzles me, comforting my fears. Don’t doubt Artemis.  She is who she says she is. The Angel is gone. Think nothing more of it.

I can sense his smile.

“I’m good with tarot and cats and dogs.”

He nods.

“And Oracle?”

The sensation of approval is clear, but the cards I would work best with would be of Native American and animal design. I would connect very well with those.

“And runes?”

Yeah.

“Grounding? Shielding?”

Oh, boy, am I good and solid (strong) with both. I’ve yet to really look into those topics but it seems I don’t have to think twice if I want to ground or put up a shield. It just comes.

“Crystals?”

Hawk says I need to talk to and connect with crystals more. There’s a whole other world just waiting for me.

“How do I tap into it?”

Just open the door.

“Okay, What about automatic writing? I can understand that when I get in the zone and just write that could be automatic writing.”

Hawk says it is.

“But what about the ‘going into a trance’ with pen and paper kind? Would I be good with that?”

He says, I would be, yes.

“But learning. That’s what will help me the most.”

Learning and soaking in knowledge.

“I can do that.” I say with a smile because I’ve always loved school and learning.

Unfortunately, I abruptly wake up after that because of some persistent rustling in the yard.

January 20th, 2015

Artemis decided to hang out with me during my meditation. That’s cool. And she brought her friend, Isis, as well.

You know. Isis. From the Egyptian pantheon.

I… What? I just started getting used to one goddess and now there’s two?

I even asked Isis why she decided to come to my place. And said something along the lines of liking me just being me.

Artemis nodded and agreed.

Yeah. Sure. Okay.

In other news, my second animal guide may not be a kestrel, more of a kiwi bird… but American. I don’t know how else to describe it.

And Hawk is doing very well. Feeling ‘very regal.’

Spoke to a Representative of the Universe. Told me what I needed to do in terms of my pagan study. He called me a witch; it wasn’t said as a sneer but more in reference to who I am. And he also put a sticker of an eye *on* my third eye.

There was a lot going on. It gave me a slight headache.

December 23rd, 2014

I could see the Universe way before I stood before it. Like the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, it was bright. As I approached and knelt down, I greeted the Universe and asked how it was tonight.

“I am proud of you,” it said.

“Was that my life lesson?” I asked.

“Part of it.”

“Did I learn from it?”

“I don’t know, what do you think you learned?”

“I learned that sometimes people do things without reason and that it does not matter why they do it, they just do.”

“Yes, that’s true.”

“Was I supposed to reconcile with him?”

“You acted in a calm manner and with respect. That is why we are proud of you.”

“Was this his lesson?”

“It was.”

“Did he learn it?”

“No, but he will.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.”

“You are still a child, you have much to learn.” Neon purples and dark neon blues are the colors of the Universe tonight.

“I suppose so.”

“Go. Your companions are waiting for you.”

The meadow is a reflection of the physical weather right now: the trees are bear, everything is set for winter to come, but it’s wet and chilly because of the rain.

I called out to Artemis and of course, she comes, saying, “I’m right here.” I cry as she embraces me, calming me down.

“I’m sorry,” I say.

“For what?” she asks. “You did well. We’re proud of you.” She ruffles my hair and kisses my head. “Your bestie is waiting for you.”

I take a couple of deep breaths before entering my meadow. I see Egret, more animated than he’s been this past year. I thank him and ask if this was what he was here to teach me.

“Most of it,” he says, extending his wings to stretch. He is also proud of what I’ve accomplished.

“Will you be leaving soon?” I ask.

“You’ll see me once more. I want to make sure you’re steady on your feet.”

I get up and do my traditional walk around, just to check that everything is alright. Kestrel is there, sitting on the other end of the log. He is smaller than both Egret and Hawk, but he is in the flesh now, fully here.

I kneel down. “Are my next guide?”

“Yes, I am,” he speaks. He has quick movements but seems… more lighthearted than Egret.

“I am delighted to do research on what you could help me with, Kestrel.”

He is pleased that I will do research and also pleased to be working with me.

I get up and call to Hawk. After a fast dive and a few circles he lands on my arm. I am overcome with joy and happiness to see him. He nuzzles me.

“I am so proud of you.” A familiar phrase by now.

“Why? The Universe, Artemis, and you are proud of me. Why?”

“Because you handled this situation very well and with dignity, respect, honor.” He gives me the feeling of ‘passing the test.’

“But I don’t feel proud or accomplished. I feel like I just lost a relationship, a connection.”

“Spiritually you did well, but you are sad because you’re physical link is gone. Do not be sad, for you did all you could to help him see. He will learn someday, this was his test, as well, and he did not open his eyes.” He gives the reassurance that all will be well with my family.

“Thank you, Hawk.”

He nuzzles me again and indicates that I should go. “Mourn, but know that you did all you could.” He follows me out the meadow, where he leaves my arm and sits on a branch. Artemis takes my hand and gives me another kiss on the head.

“Go home,” she says. And I find myself at the beginning, where I walk out the door and wake up.

It is with sadness that I loose what little contact I had with my dad tonight. I tried to be civil and respectful, but he only responded with anger and accusations. Hawk, Artemis, and the Universe all say that they are proud of me, but I don’t feel it. Maybe one day I’ll understand.