Notes from a Meditation – 5/2/2015

I thought it might be a special day to meditation because it’s a full moon and it’ll be the first time I meditate outside this year.  It was. (it’s rather long post, btw)

I reached out to my Parent Moon, a mixture of both masculine and feminine energy (though I usually feel the feminine more often), and came face-to-face with it and also saw the silver shimmer surrounding it. I sent my affection of being a descendent of them and they showed me my own soul: silvery shimmery, like they, but also some dark rainbow glitter, from the stars I am also made of.

We embraced and when we let go I asked how come I didn’t meet my spirit-sister yesterday.

They said they don’t deal with the timing of the Universe, they just… make more? (I can’t clearly explain the imagery or feeling. They like seeing their children born and finding themselves [learning who they are and where they come from] and other relatives  With more attention on the “finding other relatives” part.)

I asked what I could do to honor and thank them and they said they were satisfied with how it is. I said, “If I remember correctly, the last time I spoke to you I asked if a nice statue on my bookshelf altar would please you. You said it would. Would you still like that?”

The Moon thought it over a little, though I already knew the answer. “Yes,” they said. “I would like that.”

I said I would be on the look out for the perfect statue.

We embraced once more and then they pushed me to my beginning visual for when I regularly do meditations. I went though the tunnel and knelt down at the Pond of the Universe. I thanked the Universe for giving (physical) me a chance to exist.

It said it wasn’t chance, that I had a purpose and I was really close to finding it.

I walked up the stairs and found my meadow in the throws of glorious spring! Lush green grasses, gorgeous blue skies, buds everywhere, and the wheat stalks full and mature. I visited them and they were so excited and happy. It was intoxicating.

I saw the Lady of the Cards and gave her my respect. I told her I’d be reading tonight and she was happy. She said she’d be there by my side.

I went into my little meadow in the trees and I walked around the perimeter. I knelt to Artemis and greeted her. She seemed a little forlorn so I asked what was the matter.

She sighed and I got the sensation it had to do with other Gods? From other pantheons?

“Can I help in anyway?”

She smiled sadly and put hand on my cheek.  “Always willing to help.” But no, it’s just something she’s got to deal with.

I called to Hawk, who came swooping down so fast! I could feel his joy! He came ‘round a second time and took me on his wings. We flew to Egypt where we sat near the top of one of the pyramids.

I thanked him for taking me here; I love coming.

“This is your home, isn’t it?” I asked while looking out.

Yes, he said with affection.

“Do you visit it often?”

He chest swelled with pride.

We sat in silence for a little but until I broke it. “I don’t want to nag or seem like I’m picky, but I thought I was supposed to meet my spirit-sister yesterday.”

Yes, you were supposed to meet your sister yesterday.

“Did I do anything wrong?”

No, it wasn’t your fault.

“What happened?”

It’s complicated, he said. She got caught up in something beyond her control so she couldn’t/didn’t come.

“Will I still meet her?”

You will, but not for some time. (I get the feeling of later this year… perhaps in about six months? August-September-October?) The undertone in his voice tells me that he’s disappointed in the “establishment” for “rearranging schedules.” (That was just the sensation I got.)

“I hope she’s alright.”

She is; just be patient.

I grin. Patience. “But the dizziness I got while in the room with that other woman? I don’t understand, what happened?”

You were reaching out to her because you thought she might be your sister, but your energy just rebounded back to you.

We sit, then, looking out.

“I have a couple more questions.”

He chuckles softly. I always have “a couple more questions.”

“When the Angel came to me last year, you were proud even though it turned out to be a nasty trickster Angel.”

He looks at me out of the corner of his eye.

“Okay, just a trickster Angel. But it came to me and wanted to work with me. Why were you proud even though I turned my back on it?”

He doesn’t say anything but he’s expecting something.

“Was it because it was my first encounter with… anything?”

I get a closer feeling from him.

“And that I figured out I would have gone down the wrong and dark road if I did follow it?”

I think this is what he wants me to know. That I did it by myself.

“You know, it kind of imitated Artemis. And while I don’t doubt you, I could never doubt you, I don’t doubt Artemis 90% of the time. But sometimes I wonder if Artemis is Artemis or if the Angel just got good.”

Hawk leans in and nuzzles me, comforting my fears. Don’t doubt Artemis.  She is who she says she is. The Angel is gone. Think nothing more of it.

I can sense his smile.

“I’m good with tarot and cats and dogs.”

He nods.

“And Oracle?”

The sensation of approval is clear, but the cards I would work best with would be of Native American and animal design. I would connect very well with those.

“And runes?”

Yeah.

“Grounding? Shielding?”

Oh, boy, am I good and solid (strong) with both. I’ve yet to really look into those topics but it seems I don’t have to think twice if I want to ground or put up a shield. It just comes.

“Crystals?”

Hawk says I need to talk to and connect with crystals more. There’s a whole other world just waiting for me.

“How do I tap into it?”

Just open the door.

“Okay, What about automatic writing? I can understand that when I get in the zone and just write that could be automatic writing.”

Hawk says it is.

“But what about the ‘going into a trance’ with pen and paper kind? Would I be good with that?”

He says, I would be, yes.

“But learning. That’s what will help me the most.”

Learning and soaking in knowledge.

“I can do that.” I say with a smile because I’ve always loved school and learning.

Unfortunately, I abruptly wake up after that because of some persistent rustling in the yard.

April 30th, 2015

When I visualized the scenery for beginning my meditation tonight, I felt two points of pressure on my right forearm, about 4-6 inches apart. The pressure almost encircled my arm and I could feel that whatever was making it was heavy.

I asked Hawk if he knew anything about the sensation and he smiled. Then he told me to hold my arm out, like I do when he sits on my left arm, and close my eyes.

I did and I felt the weight come back, but it felt like a phantom weight; there but not there. When I turned to look I saw a Golden Eagle resting on my arm.

Big, solid, and gorgeous brown and light brown feathers. It held its head high, proud (as it should be).

“Oooohhh,” I said quietly. I didn’t want to disrespect it but I was quite in awe of it.

“Your new guide,” Hawk said.

As best I could I kneeled on the ground and bowed my head, thanking it for choosing me. But it just stood there and slowly disappeared until it and the phantom weight was gone.

I looked at Hawk, confused. He said while the Golden Eagle will be your new guide, it’s not time yet. He kept smiling. “And if you learn from him, he may be a permanent sight.“

“What do I have to do to keep him?”

“Learn.”

“Learn… Be studious in my path?”

Hawk nodded.

“Are you okay sharing me with him?”

He will gladly share me with the Eagle, as he himself is proud and having two proud birds such as they to be by my side… He couldn’t be happier.

He’s reveling in the progress I’ve made in such a short amount of time.

I let Hawk go and then said my goodbyes to Artemis, asking her if I still had to “keep my head down.” She said no, kissed my forehead, but just be careful.

Notes From A Meditation, 4/20/2017

Hawk and Artemis both agree that too much information is detrimental to my learning. So I’m taking some time to just chill. Read a few articles, keep doing tarot, but other than that they want me to relax.

I was going full steam ahead in learning a whole bunch of stuff about myself that I kinda wore myself out. Felt like I was going 160 mph without accomplishing anything.

Artemis also told me why she had me make a shield around myself… And put the candle in a certain spot… And have me do my selenite over salt water thing. All of that made me feel like I was building a fortress.

I guess there’s an entity making its way through our part of the galaxy, not bad but not good, either. It’s just passing by (well, passing through the Earth is more like it) but what it’s doing, through no fault of its own, is creating havoc. It’s already sent a couple of “scout waves”, just some waves ahead of the actual body of the thing.

And I guess I’m more sensitive to it, because that’s why I’ve been feeling like crap lately (among other reasons, as previously mentioned). So Artemis just wants me prepared and protected.

The actual “passing through” will be quick, less than a day, but the repercussions will last anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. I got the feeling it will begin to come through on a Monday overnight, but climax on the next day, a Tuesday, late morning. Not tomorrow… Maybe next week?

My shield will protect me from the brunt of it, but I’ll still feel a good portion of the effects. This should be interesting

Notes From A Meditation, 4/16/2015

I finally visited Hawk and Artemis tonight, after not seeing them for a few weeks. It was kind of hard to concentrate so I really had to focus, but I saw them.

Hawk is doing well. He’s enjoying the bright blue skies and lots of wind we’ve been having. Warmer weather means better flying conditions. If I ask, maybe he’ll take me to Egypt again…

Artemis is doing good, too. She’s keeping busy.

They were tolerant of my questions tonight, though teasing me near the end.

I cheated and asked Hawk about my twin flame, and if he was it. He said no but he knows what I’m talking about.

“Will I meet them in my lifetime?” I asked.

He smiled like a proud father and said yes.

I asked, “When?”

He said soon… I got the feeling of ‘within a few years’… When I turn thirty or a little after that. Thirty-one at the latest.

“And how about my spirit-sister? Are we still on track to meet in, what, two to four weeks?”

Yes, you’ll meet at work. Hmm, more like two and a half weeks.

“Okay, okay. Cool. On a more serious note, you know about M?”

Artemis and Hawk both grow somber. Yes they know what’s going on with her.

“Is there anything I can do to help her?”

Just be her friend. Her anchor. Keep holding on to her.

I tried to get more information but they wouldn’t say anything more. They didn’t want me attracting attention. (?)

“And how about my other friend? Are we just drifting apart?”

Yeah (sadly), it’s the natural order of things. You’re growing one way and she’s headed another.

“Is that why I’ve been feeling sad lately? Because I can’t do anything more for M and I know my friendship with my other friend is coming to an end?”

Hawk nuzzles me, comforting me.

Isis is there. I bow and greet her with a title I made up for her and asks is she likes it. She lifts her head regally and crosses her arms.

Yes. She does. She smiles.

“Are we ready for another layer or do I still need to wait a bit?”

Isis thinks for a moment but agrees that we can begin another layer.

Artemis comes up behind me and steadies me by taking a hold of my upper arms.

“Wait, just one more question,” I say.

Whaaat? Hawk asks, jokingly.

“Tarot, cats, and dogs. I’m really good with them.”

Yes. (you already know this)

“How about the pendulum? Am I good with that?”

Well… You’re not great, but it doesn’t hurt to try.

I nod and turn back toward Isis. “Okay.” I take a deep breath. “Go ahead.”

With her fingernail, Isis traces a plus sign into my forehead and then quickly pushes her arm in, past her elbow.

I can feel her digging around my skull or my mind, I really don’t care which it is, it feels creepy and weird. I’m enduring it spiritually, but physically my forehead feels strange and my neck muscles are twitching like they’re pushing against something. And the back of my head is itchy, but not my scalp, like the inside of my skull. And my breathing is is coming is little gasps.

But she’s found what she’s looking for and starts to peel this thick, dark, skin-like coating off. Don’t ask me where she’s taking it off, I just know I’m about to throw up. Underneath this wallpaper substance is a harder surface. It actually looks very similar to a steel drum, material and texture alike.

When she’s peeled off enough, she backs away. Artemis lets go and they all give me a minute to collect myself. My head is hurting and when I finally stand up, Artemis kisses my forehead. They advise me to go home and don’t chastise me when I don’t formally say my goodbyes.

When I wake up I have a headache and cough until my stomach hurts.

Isis is getting me ready to start uncovering the layers. But what she’s doing before we even get to the first layer is pretty uncomfortable.

Hawk and Artemis are sympathetic though they can’t do anything, only watch. It’s just something I need to go through on my own.

Isis did say the more I request to get it done, the more she has me wait before we do start.

*sigh*

On a different topic, I asked Hawk and Artemis when I’ll be meeting my spirit-sister, as I thought I was supposed to meet her last week.

They said she’s been delayed and won’t be here for another 4-6 weeks.

I’m looking forward to finally finding out who she is. Ugh. More waiting.

Spread-A-Day: Day 27

Deck: Shadowscapes Tarot
Created by: blithescoven

day 27aday 27b

The Head: Represents your spirit guide. If you have not met them it can hold insight into what form they might appear in.

Nine of Swords

The keywords for this card are of no use to me, it is the imagery in the card that draws my eye. My spirit guide is a bird. Most of the time (mainly in spring, summer, and fall) when I go to meet my guide, he is up the air, circling, waiting for me. When he comes down to me he always sits on my left side. When he takes me somewhere, he and I become one and the same. I use his wings to hold me aloft while I also grasp his shoulders tight so as not to fall.

The Hand: What they hold highly.This card represents the qualities and attributes your guide considers of great importance at this time.

Seven of Wands – taking a stand, “…odds can be overcome by faith and courage”

The family meeting was today, and it went as I expected. I felt that I alone had to defend myself. Though a few family members may be more accepting of my decision than others (they accept my decision, but they don’t like it), they never said that they understood where I was coming from, that it must have been hard to deal with this, especially from a parental figure. They listened, like they said they would, but they never truly understood what I was saying. I had to defend myself. I had to stand up to my family and say no. It almost broke me, good lord did I almost give in to what they wanted, but I knew what I wanted and the peace it would give me. I don’t think I’ll be able to muster up that kind of courage any time soon.

My guide is telling me, because I haven’t visited him yet, that he knows how hard it was for me. Defending my ground and pushing for what I wanted was not easy.

The Fist: What they disregard.An issue you may be paying too much mind to, or something your spirit guide wants you to ignore.

Eight of Pentacles – application of intellect and skill, attentive to details

There is someone in my life whom I should not put so much energy into right now. They have taken their academic thought process and used it during the meeting. They were way too focused on details that didn’t really matter, that only made the meeting more intense, that only asked more questions than gave answers. While this skill is a good one to have in the work place, in the situation I’m in, it’ll be the death of you. A more sympathetic and emotional approach was the best way to go about it, but because this was something that needed to be “fixed”, then a sharp intellect is the way to go.

The Heart: What is inside you.A hidden strength your spirit guide applauds, and wants you to focus on fostering at this time. If reversed this can indicate a festering issue your guide is concerned may be harming you.

Five of Wands – conflict, “uphill struggle of living obstacles”

I know what I want and I know how to get it. But I also want to make my family happy, but to make my family happy means that I need to give up what I want. Every single person in my family is pushing me to do something I don’t want or need. I’ve been struggling to stay on top and to defend myself, but it’s so goddamned hard and I’ve been putting so much energy into keeping my feet down and saying no that it’s going to take a little bit for this thinking to subside. I’m so ready for a family member to say an off comment that will get me going that I’m defensive all the time.

My guide is showing this to me and also letting me know that it’s okay to let go of this thinking. The meeting is over with, what’s done is done. Now we just need Time to do its thing.

The Heels: A last word.Any last pressing messages or warnings your spirit guide may have for you.
Ace of Pentacles – “the possibility of prosperity, abundance, and security”

My guide is telling that now is the time for me to plant any seeds that I may want to see grow. Conflict is over, I can focus on other things now. If I put in the right amount of effort in certain areas of my life, everything will flourish.

I loved this spread.  I already know my spirit guide, but the peace I felt when reading this one was… wonderful.

January 20th, 2015

Artemis decided to hang out with me during my meditation. That’s cool. And she brought her friend, Isis, as well.

You know. Isis. From the Egyptian pantheon.

I… What? I just started getting used to one goddess and now there’s two?

I even asked Isis why she decided to come to my place. And said something along the lines of liking me just being me.

Artemis nodded and agreed.

Yeah. Sure. Okay.

In other news, my second animal guide may not be a kestrel, more of a kiwi bird… but American. I don’t know how else to describe it.

And Hawk is doing very well. Feeling ‘very regal.’

Spoke to a Representative of the Universe. Told me what I needed to do in terms of my pagan study. He called me a witch; it wasn’t said as a sneer but more in reference to who I am. And he also put a sticker of an eye *on* my third eye.

There was a lot going on. It gave me a slight headache.