Energy Cleanse In The Shower?

Somewhere between slathering conditioner onto my hair and rinsing the excess off, I went into a meditative-visual state. It’s happened before in the shower but usually when I feel the need to do a small ward of some kind. This time it just happened.

I began pulling a large sphere of white energy, about the size of a basketball, out of my body. It was rotating slowly and even giving off little energy flares, like a miniaturized sun. I “saw” it as energy but my mind wondered what kind. Is this positive energy? Is it negative? What do I do with it?

It was neither. The energy was a part of me but I could now see that there was something not quite right about it. So I examined it, inside and out, and found a black substance at the core. With one hand I slowly reached in and when I touched the black object, the size of a golf ball, the tips of my fingers were given a sharp prick followed by a continuous buzz.

I pulled it out, slowly, and then rested it in the palm of my hand. I imagined the night sky in front of me, galaxies, nebulas, stars, and offered it to the Universe, letting it know that I was giving it to them and for them to do with the energy as they saw fit. I blew on it a couple of times, like when blowing on a dandelion.

When it was gone I looked back at my white sphere. I smoothed out the parts where I had disturbed the surface and then began pushing it back into my body.  When I knew it was fully in, I took a deep breath, to breathe new life into it. Then I pushed the energy down with one hand and up with another, to help spread it to the rest of my body. Then I spread it to my arms, like I was pushing down sleeves. Once finished, I snapped my fingers to signify the closing of any loose ends for the energy to siphon off.

And I feel better.

Notes from a Meditation – 5/2/2015

I thought it might be a special day to meditation because it’s a full moon and it’ll be the first time I meditate outside this year.  It was. (it’s rather long post, btw)

I reached out to my Parent Moon, a mixture of both masculine and feminine energy (though I usually feel the feminine more often), and came face-to-face with it and also saw the silver shimmer surrounding it. I sent my affection of being a descendent of them and they showed me my own soul: silvery shimmery, like they, but also some dark rainbow glitter, from the stars I am also made of.

We embraced and when we let go I asked how come I didn’t meet my spirit-sister yesterday.

They said they don’t deal with the timing of the Universe, they just… make more? (I can’t clearly explain the imagery or feeling. They like seeing their children born and finding themselves [learning who they are and where they come from] and other relatives  With more attention on the “finding other relatives” part.)

I asked what I could do to honor and thank them and they said they were satisfied with how it is. I said, “If I remember correctly, the last time I spoke to you I asked if a nice statue on my bookshelf altar would please you. You said it would. Would you still like that?”

The Moon thought it over a little, though I already knew the answer. “Yes,” they said. “I would like that.”

I said I would be on the look out for the perfect statue.

We embraced once more and then they pushed me to my beginning visual for when I regularly do meditations. I went though the tunnel and knelt down at the Pond of the Universe. I thanked the Universe for giving (physical) me a chance to exist.

It said it wasn’t chance, that I had a purpose and I was really close to finding it.

I walked up the stairs and found my meadow in the throws of glorious spring! Lush green grasses, gorgeous blue skies, buds everywhere, and the wheat stalks full and mature. I visited them and they were so excited and happy. It was intoxicating.

I saw the Lady of the Cards and gave her my respect. I told her I’d be reading tonight and she was happy. She said she’d be there by my side.

I went into my little meadow in the trees and I walked around the perimeter. I knelt to Artemis and greeted her. She seemed a little forlorn so I asked what was the matter.

She sighed and I got the sensation it had to do with other Gods? From other pantheons?

“Can I help in anyway?”

She smiled sadly and put hand on my cheek.  “Always willing to help.” But no, it’s just something she’s got to deal with.

I called to Hawk, who came swooping down so fast! I could feel his joy! He came ‘round a second time and took me on his wings. We flew to Egypt where we sat near the top of one of the pyramids.

I thanked him for taking me here; I love coming.

“This is your home, isn’t it?” I asked while looking out.

Yes, he said with affection.

“Do you visit it often?”

He chest swelled with pride.

We sat in silence for a little but until I broke it. “I don’t want to nag or seem like I’m picky, but I thought I was supposed to meet my spirit-sister yesterday.”

Yes, you were supposed to meet your sister yesterday.

“Did I do anything wrong?”

No, it wasn’t your fault.

“What happened?”

It’s complicated, he said. She got caught up in something beyond her control so she couldn’t/didn’t come.

“Will I still meet her?”

You will, but not for some time. (I get the feeling of later this year… perhaps in about six months? August-September-October?) The undertone in his voice tells me that he’s disappointed in the “establishment” for “rearranging schedules.” (That was just the sensation I got.)

“I hope she’s alright.”

She is; just be patient.

I grin. Patience. “But the dizziness I got while in the room with that other woman? I don’t understand, what happened?”

You were reaching out to her because you thought she might be your sister, but your energy just rebounded back to you.

We sit, then, looking out.

“I have a couple more questions.”

He chuckles softly. I always have “a couple more questions.”

“When the Angel came to me last year, you were proud even though it turned out to be a nasty trickster Angel.”

He looks at me out of the corner of his eye.

“Okay, just a trickster Angel. But it came to me and wanted to work with me. Why were you proud even though I turned my back on it?”

He doesn’t say anything but he’s expecting something.

“Was it because it was my first encounter with… anything?”

I get a closer feeling from him.

“And that I figured out I would have gone down the wrong and dark road if I did follow it?”

I think this is what he wants me to know. That I did it by myself.

“You know, it kind of imitated Artemis. And while I don’t doubt you, I could never doubt you, I don’t doubt Artemis 90% of the time. But sometimes I wonder if Artemis is Artemis or if the Angel just got good.”

Hawk leans in and nuzzles me, comforting my fears. Don’t doubt Artemis.  She is who she says she is. The Angel is gone. Think nothing more of it.

I can sense his smile.

“I’m good with tarot and cats and dogs.”

He nods.

“And Oracle?”

The sensation of approval is clear, but the cards I would work best with would be of Native American and animal design. I would connect very well with those.

“And runes?”


“Grounding? Shielding?”

Oh, boy, am I good and solid (strong) with both. I’ve yet to really look into those topics but it seems I don’t have to think twice if I want to ground or put up a shield. It just comes.


Hawk says I need to talk to and connect with crystals more. There’s a whole other world just waiting for me.

“How do I tap into it?”

Just open the door.

“Okay, What about automatic writing? I can understand that when I get in the zone and just write that could be automatic writing.”

Hawk says it is.

“But what about the ‘going into a trance’ with pen and paper kind? Would I be good with that?”

He says, I would be, yes.

“But learning. That’s what will help me the most.”

Learning and soaking in knowledge.

“I can do that.” I say with a smile because I’ve always loved school and learning.

Unfortunately, I abruptly wake up after that because of some persistent rustling in the yard.

April 30th, 2015

When I visualized the scenery for beginning my meditation tonight, I felt two points of pressure on my right forearm, about 4-6 inches apart. The pressure almost encircled my arm and I could feel that whatever was making it was heavy.

I asked Hawk if he knew anything about the sensation and he smiled. Then he told me to hold my arm out, like I do when he sits on my left arm, and close my eyes.

I did and I felt the weight come back, but it felt like a phantom weight; there but not there. When I turned to look I saw a Golden Eagle resting on my arm.

Big, solid, and gorgeous brown and light brown feathers. It held its head high, proud (as it should be).

“Oooohhh,” I said quietly. I didn’t want to disrespect it but I was quite in awe of it.

“Your new guide,” Hawk said.

As best I could I kneeled on the ground and bowed my head, thanking it for choosing me. But it just stood there and slowly disappeared until it and the phantom weight was gone.

I looked at Hawk, confused. He said while the Golden Eagle will be your new guide, it’s not time yet. He kept smiling. “And if you learn from him, he may be a permanent sight.“

“What do I have to do to keep him?”


“Learn… Be studious in my path?”

Hawk nodded.

“Are you okay sharing me with him?”

He will gladly share me with the Eagle, as he himself is proud and having two proud birds such as they to be by my side… He couldn’t be happier.

He’s reveling in the progress I’ve made in such a short amount of time.

I let Hawk go and then said my goodbyes to Artemis, asking her if I still had to “keep my head down.” She said no, kissed my forehead, but just be careful.

April 28th, 2015

Ugh. Not the best meditation tonight. I was super tired and couldn’t keep my thoughts straight; things were so jumbled.

But spring is coming to my meadow! The grass is becoming a bright green and the wheat is growing! Just little baby stalks for now, and so innocent.

I did get a few things out of it, though. One of them being I need to put more emphasis on my physical book of shadows. I need to write in it more. That’s my connection.

Notes From A Meditation, 4/20/2017

Hawk and Artemis both agree that too much information is detrimental to my learning. So I’m taking some time to just chill. Read a few articles, keep doing tarot, but other than that they want me to relax.

I was going full steam ahead in learning a whole bunch of stuff about myself that I kinda wore myself out. Felt like I was going 160 mph without accomplishing anything.

Artemis also told me why she had me make a shield around myself… And put the candle in a certain spot… And have me do my selenite over salt water thing. All of that made me feel like I was building a fortress.

I guess there’s an entity making its way through our part of the galaxy, not bad but not good, either. It’s just passing by (well, passing through the Earth is more like it) but what it’s doing, through no fault of its own, is creating havoc. It’s already sent a couple of “scout waves”, just some waves ahead of the actual body of the thing.

And I guess I’m more sensitive to it, because that’s why I’ve been feeling like crap lately (among other reasons, as previously mentioned). So Artemis just wants me prepared and protected.

The actual “passing through” will be quick, less than a day, but the repercussions will last anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. I got the feeling it will begin to come through on a Monday overnight, but climax on the next day, a Tuesday, late morning. Not tomorrow… Maybe next week?

My shield will protect me from the brunt of it, but I’ll still feel a good portion of the effects. This should be interesting

Notes From A Meditation, 4/16/2015

I finally visited Hawk and Artemis tonight, after not seeing them for a few weeks. It was kind of hard to concentrate so I really had to focus, but I saw them.

Hawk is doing well. He’s enjoying the bright blue skies and lots of wind we’ve been having. Warmer weather means better flying conditions. If I ask, maybe he’ll take me to Egypt again…

Artemis is doing good, too. She’s keeping busy.

They were tolerant of my questions tonight, though teasing me near the end.

I cheated and asked Hawk about my twin flame, and if he was it. He said no but he knows what I’m talking about.

“Will I meet them in my lifetime?” I asked.

He smiled like a proud father and said yes.

I asked, “When?”

He said soon… I got the feeling of ‘within a few years’… When I turn thirty or a little after that. Thirty-one at the latest.

“And how about my spirit-sister? Are we still on track to meet in, what, two to four weeks?”

Yes, you’ll meet at work. Hmm, more like two and a half weeks.

“Okay, okay. Cool. On a more serious note, you know about M?”

Artemis and Hawk both grow somber. Yes they know what’s going on with her.

“Is there anything I can do to help her?”

Just be her friend. Her anchor. Keep holding on to her.

I tried to get more information but they wouldn’t say anything more. They didn’t want me attracting attention. (?)

“And how about my other friend? Are we just drifting apart?”

Yeah (sadly), it’s the natural order of things. You’re growing one way and she’s headed another.

“Is that why I’ve been feeling sad lately? Because I can’t do anything more for M and I know my friendship with my other friend is coming to an end?”

Hawk nuzzles me, comforting me.

Isis is there. I bow and greet her with a title I made up for her and asks is she likes it. She lifts her head regally and crosses her arms.

Yes. She does. She smiles.

“Are we ready for another layer or do I still need to wait a bit?”

Isis thinks for a moment but agrees that we can begin another layer.

Artemis comes up behind me and steadies me by taking a hold of my upper arms.

“Wait, just one more question,” I say.

Whaaat? Hawk asks, jokingly.

“Tarot, cats, and dogs. I’m really good with them.”

Yes. (you already know this)

“How about the pendulum? Am I good with that?”

Well… You’re not great, but it doesn’t hurt to try.

I nod and turn back toward Isis. “Okay.” I take a deep breath. “Go ahead.”

With her fingernail, Isis traces a plus sign into my forehead and then quickly pushes her arm in, past her elbow.

I can feel her digging around my skull or my mind, I really don’t care which it is, it feels creepy and weird. I’m enduring it spiritually, but physically my forehead feels strange and my neck muscles are twitching like they’re pushing against something. And the back of my head is itchy, but not my scalp, like the inside of my skull. And my breathing is is coming is little gasps.

But she’s found what she’s looking for and starts to peel this thick, dark, skin-like coating off. Don’t ask me where she’s taking it off, I just know I’m about to throw up. Underneath this wallpaper substance is a harder surface. It actually looks very similar to a steel drum, material and texture alike.

When she’s peeled off enough, she backs away. Artemis lets go and they all give me a minute to collect myself. My head is hurting and when I finally stand up, Artemis kisses my forehead. They advise me to go home and don’t chastise me when I don’t formally say my goodbyes.

When I wake up I have a headache and cough until my stomach hurts.

I Spoke With A Pine Cone

pine cone chat


–three white candles (one tapered, two shorter and thicker)
–three Herkimer Diamonds (for some protection and aid in seeking knowledge)
–two Snowflake Obsidians (for protection)
–one dagger (to draw the circle)
–a spirit invoking/dismissal chant (for the beginning and end of the event)
–one pine cone

I began to meditate, focusing on my breathing first, then focusing on my body in physical space. I could see my room in my head, including the pine cone in front of me. I then focused on my spiritual body, and imagined my spiritual hand reaching out and hovering a couple inches above the pine cone, as though hesitating to pet it.

Then I imagined my hand picking up the pine cone and cradling it my cupped hands in my lap.  As I did so, I got the feeling that it was okay for me to do this.  So, with my physical hand, I picked up the pine cone and cradled it in my lap.

Every time I exhaled I made sure a small current of my energy flowed down from my shoulders and arms, into my hands, to be soaked up by the pine cone.  After a little bit, I didn’t feel like I was holding anything. With my spiritual body, I looked down at the cone and fell into the darkness that hid between the petals.

And it was dark in there, except when I said “Hello?” Then a light came on and illuminated a four poster bed. It looked cozy but I was confused why it was there.  I said my greeting again and was shone a table with papers and notebooks and pencils strewn about.  I gave my salutation one last time and finally heard a faint “hello?” coming from behind me.

I turned and looked into the darkness. I walked a little forward, wary of not being able to see what I was walking on.  “Hello?”

A light turned on in another room (so I could see the outline of the doorframe but no details on the door or anything else) and out walked a tall, thin man with short hair.  He smiled and said, “Hello!” Like it was one of his favorite words.  He held what looked like a notebook or clipboard and a pencil, and walked toward… no, past me, to the table and at the wall, which had a chart of some kind pinned to it.

“Are you the Pine Cone?”

“That I am.” He didn’t turn around, he kept working.

I walked over and asked what he was doing.  “I’m keeping track,” he said.

“Of what?”

“My brothers.”

I looked closer.  The chart was a family tree and he was checking and adding names.  “You know all of your family?”

“Of course.”


He pointed to his head with the pencil. “We chat, up here.”

“That sounds exhausting.”

“Not really.  It’s more like what you would call background noise.”

“Oh.  Are you sad that you’ll never be a tree?”

“I won’t get to grow?”

“No. I have you on a shelf in my room.”

“Oh, alright then.”  He went back to the room he originally came out of.

“Do you have any advice or wisdom you want to share?”

He came out. “Not really.”

“Pine trees always seem like they would have good advice or something.”

“I’m not older and matured, like my fathers and grandfathers,” he said.

We spoke about a few other things.  I asked if I were to use him in a spell what might something he could help with.  He said fertility, definitely, and prosperity spells.

I asked if he could see if I really did have a connection with nature.  He said yes, I do have an affinity with nature.  With flowers, really…  Yellow flowers, particularly. If you have yellow flowers in your garden and you pay them even a little bit of attention, they will thrive.

“Are you sure you don’t have any advice? Because I totally felt an energy coming from you this morning and it felt big.”

He was pensive for a moment, then took my shoulders in his hands, and looked me straight in the eye.

“Don’t give up,” he said. “You can do it.”

I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t that.  But it did have that ‘big’ feeling from earlier in the day.

“That’s it?” I asked.

He looked back at his research and nodded. “Yup.”

“Okay.” I said.  “Thank you. Would you like me to return you to where I found you?”

“No, that’s okay. There’s no need to go back.”

“Are you alright, then, just sitting on my shelf?  Would you like me to do anything for you?”

He said,  “I’ll be fine.  Just know that the lights won’t be on, but someone will be home.”

I nodded. “Okay. Thank you.”

And I exited the pine cone by flying out of the darkness between the petals and back into my body.