Energy Cleanse In The Shower?

Somewhere between slathering conditioner onto my hair and rinsing the excess off, I went into a meditative-visual state. It’s happened before in the shower but usually when I feel the need to do a small ward of some kind. This time it just happened.

I began pulling a large sphere of white energy, about the size of a basketball, out of my body. It was rotating slowly and even giving off little energy flares, like a miniaturized sun. I “saw” it as energy but my mind wondered what kind. Is this positive energy? Is it negative? What do I do with it?

It was neither. The energy was a part of me but I could now see that there was something not quite right about it. So I examined it, inside and out, and found a black substance at the core. With one hand I slowly reached in and when I touched the black object, the size of a golf ball, the tips of my fingers were given a sharp prick followed by a continuous buzz.

I pulled it out, slowly, and then rested it in the palm of my hand. I imagined the night sky in front of me, galaxies, nebulas, stars, and offered it to the Universe, letting it know that I was giving it to them and for them to do with the energy as they saw fit. I blew on it a couple of times, like when blowing on a dandelion.

When it was gone I looked back at my white sphere. I smoothed out the parts where I had disturbed the surface and then began pushing it back into my body.  When I knew it was fully in, I took a deep breath, to breathe new life into it. Then I pushed the energy down with one hand and up with another, to help spread it to the rest of my body. Then I spread it to my arms, like I was pushing down sleeves. Once finished, I snapped my fingers to signify the closing of any loose ends for the energy to siphon off.

And I feel better.

3CardMay: Day 10

Date: May 10th, 2015
Deck: Shadowscapes Tarot

The Week Ahead…
1st Third
Seven of Swords – escape responsibility, deception, untrustworthy

The first couple of days I’m going to notice an air of negativity at work. I’ll see the little things people aren’t doing, though they should be. I don’t know if I will act on what I see.

2nd Third
King of Swords – authority, intellectual power, leader

I feel I will be using my title more in during this part of the week, but in a calm and precise manner. One with a lot of thought behind my actions.

3rd Third
Four of Pentacles – control, stability, possessions

Something is going to turn out of whack for me and I will not like the feeling of not being in control. I like knowing where things are going to happen and when they will happen. I’m going to cling to my physical things as a way to keep myself standing.

3CardMay: Day 9

day 9

Date: May 9th, 2015
Deck: Shadowscapes Tarot

What I Need To Know
Seven of Cups – illusions, wishful thinking, choices

I can’t tell if my fantasies are blocking my clear headedness or if my clear headedness is blocking my fantasies.  I feel I’m going to have a lot of choices coming my way soon and I need to be able to recognize them.

What I Need To Do
X – The Wheel of Fortune – patterns and cycles, a turning point, life’s threads coming together

I need to understand that things are in the works for me/because of me, but it’s all taking place “back stage.” I need to ride this world and just hold on because nothing I do is going to make these plans move faster, I need to wait until they are ready for me.

What I Need To Embrace
Four of Wands – celebrations, joy, harmony

I need to embrace life in all it’s wonderful glory. Hard work will need to be done but right now I should just dance and have fun.

3CardMay: Day 8

day 8

Date: May 8th, 2015
Deck: Shadowscapes Tarot

Yin
Four of Wands – hope, joy, “…be prepared to continue with the work that has achieved this point.”

My hard work pays off in the end and when it does it is absolutely wonderful.  I’m not one for complete reverie, though, I can still work and play at the same time.

Yang
Six of Cups – good intentions, childhood innocence, simple joys and pleasures

Seems a bit contrary to the first card, wouldn’t you say? But it makes sense to me. I love my work, I love what I do. I love seeing the animals begin to recover hours after surgery. But I’ve filled my life with mostly work these past four or five years that I don’t really have any friends outside of my job. I’ve lost sight of having fun for the sake of having fun instead of joking around with coworkers to knock off some stress.

What I Need To Develop To Stay In The Flow
Nine of Swords – inner turmoil, vulnerability, fear

I don’t think I need to develop this but rather recognize it: I am afraid of going out on my own and making new friends. I like the comfort of the friends I have, though they be but work friends. It’s hard and I want to meet new people… but I’m scared.

3CardMay: Day 7

day 7

Date: May 7th, 2015
Deck: Shadowscapes Tarot

Talent That Needs Development
Three of Wands – explore, expand your horizons

I need to take more risks and get out more. I am such a homebody but this card is telling me to go and seek the unknown. Go to the end of the sidewalk… and keep walking. I’ll find it to be sturdier than I thought.

First Step
I – The Magician – originality, creativity, self-confidence

Be myself.  When I go out I need to take a deep breath and just be me. There’s no need to for pomp and circumstance wherever I’m going, that won’t do, but if I’m just me and show them how I can shine, I’ll be able to fly.

Possible Outcome
Seven of Cups – unlimited possibilities, too many choices, fantasies

I feel that this could be a warning. There is a difference between what the woman sees and what the man sees in the card, but I am being drawn to the woman. The one with the fantasy of reaching the floating castle in the sky and not looking where she will step next. Hubris. I need to learn that I can get what I want but it may be difficult to get there.

3CardMay: Day 6

day 6

Date: May 6th, 2015
Deck: Shadowscapes Tarot

How To Express Anger In A Healthy Way
IV – The Emperor – creating order out of chaos, strength, leadership

I need to not let my anger run rampant, but instead use that intense energy that fills my body and create something good from it. I can let my anger blind me and paralyze me or I can gather my strength and transform it into something I can use.

Benefits of This
II – The High Priestess – wisdom, knowledge, purity

Whenever I get angry and try to create a positive transformation, I will purge my system and be, in a way, cleansed. I will see things in a new light because of this and I will be able to learn more.

Hidden Traps
V – The Hierophant – conformity, tradition

Creating a positive thing out of my anger will not be easy and it will take a lot of practice. Fortunately, I don’t get angry easily or often, but when I do the emotion is all-encompassing and overwhelming. It does blind me and keep me in the current side of the situation by pure instinct.

VIII – Strength

(8) VIII - Strength

Archetype
Endurance

Symbolism
This card represents humanity taming its wilder instincts and channeling them to useful purpose. You have the ability to harness your thoughts and to use them for your – and everyone else’s – highest good. Not only do you have the ability; you have the responsibility.

Upright
Determination, Strength, Courage, Patience

Success will happen through meeting problems head-on and overcoming them by strength of will. You have great stamina and persistence, tempered by an underlying patience and inner calm. You are focused on what you need to do, and you go about it in a way that demonstrates great composure and maturity.

Reversed
Weakness, Self-Doubt, Failure

Your inner strength and courage is lacking right now and you are feeling inadequate and vulnerable as a result. While these feelings may seem very real when you are in the moment, you will soon come to realize that they exist only to remind you that you are only temporarily out of touch with your inner strength.

3CardMay: Day 5

day 5

Date: May 5th, 2015
Deck: Shadowscapes Tarot

What Makes Me Angry?
V – The Hierophant – conformity, tradition, (group) identification

This card really threw me for a loop when I first saw it, but I understand it now. I have always been the sort of Black Sheep of the family.  The one to always ‘do her own thing’. Not that other members in my family haven’t ventured out on their own, they have made fantastic lives, but I was the one to go further, to think deeper. The one to keep asking questions because I wasn’t satisfied with the status quo. I just want to break out on my own and know that I’ll be okay. Wait… Here’s the root of the problem:

I’m 27 years old and I live with my mom. I’m… okay with that. I’m actually saving up money for a down payment on a house or a town home, but I am so fucking ready to be on my own. I’m grateful for my mom letting me live here until I can get the place I want, but I’ve outgrown this place. I need my own space for my own things… and my own practices. I want something to call mine.

The Message Underneath
Eight of Wands – “the beginning of a long journey towards a goal”, “…it speeds towards reward with hope and momentum”

Well, well, well, if this isn’t the exact right card the question. I’ve still got a long way to go before I can sign on the dotted line and call a place “my home”. I may go stir crazy because I haven’t found it yet nor am I in the position to be looking, but if I just know that I will get what I want in the long run, then everything will run smoothly.  I feel there will be some one or something in the background lending a hand to my goal.

How To Heal This
XIII – Death – going through transition, endings and beginnings

I almost want to say to let go of the “Why aren’t I in my own home?” notion because focusing on that is only going to get me to focus on the fact that I still live with my mom. But living with my mom and having a place in her house is my transition phase. It will be slow going but the few years I’ll be here, somewhere out there, plans are coming together, machinery is moving to get things aligned. I’ll know when the right time to leave my mom’s and find a place of my own will be, but for right now, I need to build my resources and keep learning.

Okay, can we just look at the cards? Do you see how much motion and activity is going on in the background of all of the cards? And with such bright colors! I feel like I am being told to just chill for a little bit while the details get worked out. I love this spread.