3CardMay: Day 5

day 5

Date: May 5th, 2015
Deck: Shadowscapes Tarot

What Makes Me Angry?
V – The Hierophant – conformity, tradition, (group) identification

This card really threw me for a loop when I first saw it, but I understand it now. I have always been the sort of Black Sheep of the family.  The one to always ‘do her own thing’. Not that other members in my family haven’t ventured out on their own, they have made fantastic lives, but I was the one to go further, to think deeper. The one to keep asking questions because I wasn’t satisfied with the status quo. I just want to break out on my own and know that I’ll be okay. Wait… Here’s the root of the problem:

I’m 27 years old and I live with my mom. I’m… okay with that. I’m actually saving up money for a down payment on a house or a town home, but I am so fucking ready to be on my own. I’m grateful for my mom letting me live here until I can get the place I want, but I’ve outgrown this place. I need my own space for my own things… and my own practices. I want something to call mine.

The Message Underneath
Eight of Wands – “the beginning of a long journey towards a goal”, “…it speeds towards reward with hope and momentum”

Well, well, well, if this isn’t the exact right card the question. I’ve still got a long way to go before I can sign on the dotted line and call a place “my home”. I may go stir crazy because I haven’t found it yet nor am I in the position to be looking, but if I just know that I will get what I want in the long run, then everything will run smoothly.  I feel there will be some one or something in the background lending a hand to my goal.

How To Heal This
XIII – Death – going through transition, endings and beginnings

I almost want to say to let go of the “Why aren’t I in my own home?” notion because focusing on that is only going to get me to focus on the fact that I still live with my mom. But living with my mom and having a place in her house is my transition phase. It will be slow going but the few years I’ll be here, somewhere out there, plans are coming together, machinery is moving to get things aligned. I’ll know when the right time to leave my mom’s and find a place of my own will be, but for right now, I need to build my resources and keep learning.

Okay, can we just look at the cards? Do you see how much motion and activity is going on in the background of all of the cards? And with such bright colors! I feel like I am being told to just chill for a little bit while the details get worked out. I love this spread.

Date: December 28th, 2014
Deck: Black Cat Tarot
Spread: Wheel of Your Year (slightly modified to add three crossings, cards 19/20 from this spread)

1) Significator. This card represents you as you go into the new year.11-xi-justice

XI – Justice – fairness, truth, law

As I go into the New Year, I am hanging onto what is right and what is wrong, especially what happened during the month of December. I had two talks with two different people and they both were about, to some degree, what I thought was right and what I thought was wrong; about what I did because I wanted to be right, but my actions were wrong; about what I know to be the truth and what form justice should take.

2) January.

swords-4

4 of Swords – contemplation, recuperation, rest

I need to stop whatever I’ve been fighting and just relax. The first month should be about me recuperating my mind and emotions. I don’t need to fight-fight-fight all the time, that will just wear me down. I need to stop and get myself together because the battle is not done. I’ve got work to do.

3) February.

cups-5

5 of Cups – loss, disappointment, bereavement

I think this is going to be a hard month for me. I have a feeling that I’ll still be battling whatever I’m going through, but I will also have losses that have to do with a father-like figure and someone I regard as a sister. Because in the image I had, they felt like family but were not blood related. They have a sad smile on their faces, turn away from me, and walk towards a bright light. Cliche, I know, but that’s what I saw. And I will be left watching them go.

4) March.

12-xii-the-hanged-man

XII – The Hanged Man – suspension, letting go, sacrifice

I will need to make a significant decision about what happened in the background of February, but I need to hold off until the time is right so that the decision I make can turn into a better outcome. This card may be telling me that I need to sacrifice something close to me to help make the outcome better.

5) April.

pentacles-page

Page of Pentacles – manifestation, financial opportunity, new job

I think the events of the past three months have quieted and died down (aka the fighting is over and we’re all licking our wounds), so now is the time to act on all of those ideas I’ve got running around in my head! With enthusiasm and desire, I can venture into a new hobby or a business venture. Learning, gaining knowledge, attaining wisdom and new skills are what I should be focusing on.

6) May.

2-ii-the-high-priestess

II – The High Priestess – intuition, higher powers, subconscious mind

I feel this month has much to do with my spirituality. The High Priestess represents Artemis but I do not think she will be the main focus here. She will be by my side helping, definitely, but my sight is on something else. If I take the time to pursue what I want, I will get it. Whatever spiritually “it” is.

7) June.

wands-knight

Knight of Wands – energy, passion, lust, adventure

This is the month for me to go-go-go! Lots of running around, I feel, being productive toward a physical goal. Taking those leaps and bounds; keep my eyes on the prize.

8) July.

wands-8

8 of Wands – speed, action, air travel

The energy and movement from June carries over into July as what I’m working toward is now turing into a real thing that I can touch. Something physical. I know I have some travel plans for July, hopefully they come true!

9) August.

swords-queen

Queen of Swords – quick thinker, organized, perceptive, independent

Now that what I’ve been building has been made into something I can touch and see and feel, it’s time to get the details together about it. And I need to do it quick. This is the month for me to use my brain instead of my heart.

10) September.

wands-6

6 of Wands – public recognition, progress, (victory)

In June and July, I’m running around trying to get this thing into existence. In August, it will be made with the i’s dotted and the t’s crossed. And in September, whatever it is, is going to get the spotlight. I feel I may be attributed to that recognition, but I will be seen as the “man behind the curtain” (hence ‘victory’ is in parenthesis). The real focus will be on the object/idea.

11) October.

cups-7

7 of Cups – fantasy, illusion, wishful thinking

Options. I’m going to be given options, a lot of them. And my imagination is going to go into overdrive as I think about each one and what they could all positively bring. I can’t have it all so I need to be clear about what I want exactly and then make informed decisions. It may be that taking the second rate option will turn out to be far better than grabbing onto the first rate opportunity.

12) November.

cups-6

6 of Cups – reunion, nostalgia, memories

I feel this card is dealing with my sister or the sister-like relationship from February. We will reconcile and talk about “the good ole days.” Understanding and hugging will happen.

13) December.

swords-8

8 of Swords – isolation, self-imposed restriction

This is me ‘punishing’ myself for something. This has nothing to do with any influences from friends or family. This is all me. It may be an action I did that, while it wasn’t the wrong thing to do, I felt that it was terrible, and so I’m locking myself in my room, feeling bad about whatever happened. When in all reality, it’s just me looking at myself too harshly, as everyone else is fine with what I did or don’t even care. Inside my room, I am brooding. Outside my room, no one gives a second thought about it. They just want me to come out and join them.

14) Crossing 1. Over-arching challenges, situations, or influences that will be crossing my path, for better or worse.

cups-1-ace

Ace of Cups – love, compassion, overwhelming emotion

I will be giving so much love this year and in return people will be drowning me with their love and compassion. When I say drown, I mean, holy crap, you guys better stop or I’m going to cry. I probably will cry from happiness at least once this year.

15) Crossing 2. Over-arching challenges, situations, or influences that will be crossing my path, for better or worse.

cups-8

8 of Cups – escapism, abandonment, withdrawal

I don’t like the keywords. The card tells me that while I may be content with what I have, I want to see what’s beyond the comfort of my home. My little white book says, “Departure. Even in the most stable and comfortable situations there may always be a woodworm of restlessness that obliges us to set out on our travels.” I have a feeling that I’m going to get that itch to travel, to roam, to explore what’s beyond my backdoor. Only question is… will I do it? Will I pack up and go? If I do, will it be temporary, just a quick trip, or am I settling down somewhere? I get the feeling that wherever I go, it’s going to be far. I just don’t know the longevity.

16) Crossing 3. Over-arching challenges, situations, or influences that will be crossing my path, for better or worse.

6-vi-the-lovers

VI – The Lovers – love, union, values alignment

I don’t think I’ll be getting into a romantic relationship this year, so far as the cards are telling me, but whomever I do have any kind of relationship with (parent, sibling, friend, etc), we will be growing closer this year. I feel this has to do with friends at work. We will be in sync; unstoppable. But who knows, with Ace of Cups and The Lovers as two of my crossings for next year, maybe I will begin a relationship.

January-February-March: These first three months are going to be hard and I will have to be careful about what I say and do. Contemplation is needed, especially in March. I see the cards, in this order, as a fall-winter-spring metaphoric progression.

April: A new venture or new activity… this may have something to do with what will be starting in June.

May: Much spirituality! Very magic! (Aaaaand Artemis just whacked me over the head because I made that joke.)

June-July-August-September: Busy busy busy! I will see this thing from when it was just a baby thought all the way to presenting itself out into the world. This is going to be interesting. Also, there is a crap ton of positivity and productivity oozing from June and July. Jus’ sayin’.

October-November-December: I dream of better things; I remember better things; I lock myself away because the thing I did was not better. I can see the cards, in order, as a kind of night-dawn-day when looking at the colors.

Majors: 4/16
Cups: 5/16
Swords: 3/16
Wands: 3/16
Pentacles: 1/16

What’s My Life Purpose?

Date: December 9th, 2013
Deck: Black Cats Tarot
Spread From: I made it up.

A few days ago I had suddenly been a little obsessed with finding out what my life purpose was, or at least a part of it.  And so I made up this five-card spread.  With a few quick changes in wording, I think it could also be a What Do I Need To Work On? spread.

1) What is my purpose for this lifetime?

wands-6-x

6 of Wands (reversed) – egotism

I feel this can also mean pride or wanting to be center of attention. Over the years I have learned that I can be quite prideful of work I have done or achieved. However, while I feel that others should at least acknowledge what I have done, no one does… because I don’t tell them. The reason I don’t tell people is because I know that what I’ve done is a small little thing that is only important to me… and yet I still want to be highly praised for my good work.

So, my life purpose (or part of it, at least) is to know that it’s okay to take pride in what I’ve done, but to not put my pride before me.

2) How can I achieve that?

cups-1-ace

Ace of Cups – love, compassion, creativity

Take any opportunity I can to show people that I love them, to show compassion, and to let my creativity soar when it comes to others and sharing emotions. I need stop closing in on myself and let others see what I can offer in regards to loving them, especially if peace can flow.

3) What can I do to be one step closer to my life purpose?

cups-5-x

5 of Cups (reversed) – moving on, acceptance, forgiveness

Okay, this card has come up a few times during tarot readings for myself, and I think I know what it’s about on the small scale and the big picture of my life.

When I see this card it reminds me of when I was mourning the end of relationship earlier this year. I see myself curled up and crying because of the sudden loss of happiness and joy… and I’m still feeling the effects from it. They emotions aren’t as sharp as they used to be but I know why they were caused. I need to accept what happened and the reasons behind it.

In general, I need to understand that I’m going to get hurt. From the big life changes to the little words that people say that sting. I need to accept that these things happen and move on.

4) What is blocking me from achieving my life purpose?

wands-knight-x

Knight of Wands (reversed) – haste, scattered energy, frustration

I am trying to achieve too much. I want to learn everything I can about my spirituality, my paganism, Artemis, am I meditating right?, am I seeing Artemis the same way everyone else does?, am I the only one who believes this?, crocheting, reading, printing everything out from my computer… I want to compete ALL OF THE THINGS!!!

But I can’t, because I’m only human. So when I want to do something but for some reason I can’t, I can get frustrated that I’m not advancing on this project like I wanted to be.

5) How can I overcome this blockage?

wands-8

8 of Wands – speed, action, movement

I need to stop being so scatter brained and just focus on one or two things. I have all of this energy and ideas that, if I continued to want to do everything, then nothing is going to get done. But if I use channel this energy into a couple of things, then progress will come all the more swiftly.