3CardMay: Day 8

day 8

Date: May 8th, 2015
Deck: Shadowscapes Tarot

Four of Wands – hope, joy, “…be prepared to continue with the work that has achieved this point.”

My hard work pays off in the end and when it does it is absolutely wonderful.  I’m not one for complete reverie, though, I can still work and play at the same time.

Six of Cups – good intentions, childhood innocence, simple joys and pleasures

Seems a bit contrary to the first card, wouldn’t you say? But it makes sense to me. I love my work, I love what I do. I love seeing the animals begin to recover hours after surgery. But I’ve filled my life with mostly work these past four or five years that I don’t really have any friends outside of my job. I’ve lost sight of having fun for the sake of having fun instead of joking around with coworkers to knock off some stress.

What I Need To Develop To Stay In The Flow
Nine of Swords – inner turmoil, vulnerability, fear

I don’t think I need to develop this but rather recognize it: I am afraid of going out on my own and making new friends. I like the comfort of the friends I have, though they be but work friends. It’s hard and I want to meet new people… but I’m scared.

4:18:2015 b

(based off of this spread, with an added card trying to bridge the first two)

What does my soul want?
XIII – Death

What does my ego want?
Nine of Swords

How can I compromise and achieve both?
Seven of Wands

My soul wants to break free. She is tired of the trivial, the mundane, the things we do over and over again that we believe will have us accomplish something when really they trap up.  My ego is filled with doubt and inner demons and she doesn’t want to think; she just wants to go with the crowd. But her fear is causing her to seize up. Unfortunately, there is no way for a compromise. There will be times where I will feel like I have broken my chains and gotten away from the redundancy of it all, but there will also be times where I follow the mob mentality and want to just be one among the masses.

That’s life.

Swords - 9

“The Nine of Swords swirls with inner turmoil. It is a moment of vulnerability, with the soul laid bare to its own demons. Guilt and fear lock muscles into immobility. Understand the source of those fears, learn what they mean and where they stem from. Know that the strength to break free of those shackles lies within one’s own heart.”

Well, this is appropriate for what I’ve been feeling.

Spread-A-Day: Day 27

Deck: Shadowscapes Tarot
Created by: blithescoven

day 27aday 27b

The Head: Represents your spirit guide. If you have not met them it can hold insight into what form they might appear in.

Nine of Swords

The keywords for this card are of no use to me, it is the imagery in the card that draws my eye. My spirit guide is a bird. Most of the time (mainly in spring, summer, and fall) when I go to meet my guide, he is up the air, circling, waiting for me. When he comes down to me he always sits on my left side. When he takes me somewhere, he and I become one and the same. I use his wings to hold me aloft while I also grasp his shoulders tight so as not to fall.

The Hand: What they hold highly.This card represents the qualities and attributes your guide considers of great importance at this time.

Seven of Wands – taking a stand, “…odds can be overcome by faith and courage”

The family meeting was today, and it went as I expected. I felt that I alone had to defend myself. Though a few family members may be more accepting of my decision than others (they accept my decision, but they don’t like it), they never said that they understood where I was coming from, that it must have been hard to deal with this, especially from a parental figure. They listened, like they said they would, but they never truly understood what I was saying. I had to defend myself. I had to stand up to my family and say no. It almost broke me, good lord did I almost give in to what they wanted, but I knew what I wanted and the peace it would give me. I don’t think I’ll be able to muster up that kind of courage any time soon.

My guide is telling me, because I haven’t visited him yet, that he knows how hard it was for me. Defending my ground and pushing for what I wanted was not easy.

The Fist: What they disregard.An issue you may be paying too much mind to, or something your spirit guide wants you to ignore.

Eight of Pentacles – application of intellect and skill, attentive to details

There is someone in my life whom I should not put so much energy into right now. They have taken their academic thought process and used it during the meeting. They were way too focused on details that didn’t really matter, that only made the meeting more intense, that only asked more questions than gave answers. While this skill is a good one to have in the work place, in the situation I’m in, it’ll be the death of you. A more sympathetic and emotional approach was the best way to go about it, but because this was something that needed to be “fixed”, then a sharp intellect is the way to go.

The Heart: What is inside you.A hidden strength your spirit guide applauds, and wants you to focus on fostering at this time. If reversed this can indicate a festering issue your guide is concerned may be harming you.

Five of Wands – conflict, “uphill struggle of living obstacles”

I know what I want and I know how to get it. But I also want to make my family happy, but to make my family happy means that I need to give up what I want. Every single person in my family is pushing me to do something I don’t want or need. I’ve been struggling to stay on top and to defend myself, but it’s so goddamned hard and I’ve been putting so much energy into keeping my feet down and saying no that it’s going to take a little bit for this thinking to subside. I’m so ready for a family member to say an off comment that will get me going that I’m defensive all the time.

My guide is showing this to me and also letting me know that it’s okay to let go of this thinking. The meeting is over with, what’s done is done. Now we just need Time to do its thing.

The Heels: A last word.Any last pressing messages or warnings your spirit guide may have for you.
Ace of Pentacles – “the possibility of prosperity, abundance, and security”

My guide is telling that now is the time for me to plant any seeds that I may want to see grow. Conflict is over, I can focus on other things now. If I put in the right amount of effort in certain areas of my life, everything will flourish.

I loved this spread.  I already know my spirit guide, but the peace I felt when reading this one was… wonderful.

Spread-A-Day: Day 12

Date: February 12, 2015
Deck: Black Cats Tarot
Created by: ragabashwitch

Day 12

What is preventing me from winning?
XIII – Death – change, transformation, transition

I am scared of how the family dynamic will be after the 28th of this month.  But this family meeting is something that must happen and I’m afraid of what the outcome will be at the end of the day.

How can I get to first place?
Queen of Wands – warmth, vibrancy, determination

I can’t point fingers, I need to include everyone when speaking, not just about my dad and I.  I need to show my sisters what it’s been like for me without sounding like I’m whining or placing blame.  I feel that it is through this approach that I can effect what winning will be like.

What will winning be like?
Nine of Swords – solitude, anxiety, despair

Damn.  Every time my cards show me something has to do with the outcome of the family meeting, it does not show me something good.  This card is telling me that while I may say all the right things and give all the right examples, in the end I will be left standing by myself.  My sisters will have the knowledge of what I said and went through, hopefully to their understanding, but that won’t make them support me in my decision.  And so I’ll be on my own, left to deal with the repercussions by myself.

Interesting fact #1: Before I shuffled the deck, I looked at the bottom card, just ‘cus I was curious.  And it was VIII – Death.  I only shuffled three times and it became the top card. Say what?!

Interesting fact #2: I looked at the shadow card when I was at the end of the spread and it was the Ace of Pentacles.  So, okay, when everything is all said and done, I’ll be able to pursue just about anything without having to look over my shoulder. There’s… some hope.