3

Drew a card for the day and got the Five of Cups, a card of loss, regret, and mourning. Confused why this card showed up, I drew another card, asking that same question: why? And got the Six of Cups, a card childhood innocence, simple joys, and the open-mindedness of a child’s perspective. Yeah, work has been tough because the new manager has been putting his foot down, new people are lying and not doing their work, and I have to be the actual middle-man. A rock and a hard place. I’m not really fond of it.

Spread-A-Day: Day 15

Date: February 15, 2015
Deck: Black Cats Tarot
Created by: tarotofthekittenofblade

Day 15

What am I holding onto?
King of Wands – vision, honor, will-power

I am holding onto an ideal that pleases both me and my family.  I will not be thought less of in my family’s eyes.  If I could magically will it to be so, then it will be.  But I’m only human and can create only that which I have the materials for.  I may have dreams about harmony in the family, but for right now I need to hold onto my honor.

What can I do to let it go?
Five of Cups – loss, despair, bereavement

Lose that vision of being one big happy family.  We will never be that way again. It’s going to rip me through to my core because I grew up on family being the number one important thing… but when family is the one to hurt you and not apologize?  It’s time to let go of that.

How can I take control again?
X – The Wheel of Fortune – life cycles, destiny, a turning point

I can get my life back by letting life, the universe, and everything do it’s thing. Whatever it may be, I just need to let things happen.  This family meeting is definitely a turning point in the dynamic of the family, in how I see things, in how my sisters see things.  But for me to feel like I’m not the victim for once, I need life to take it’s course.

What do I need to do to move forward?
Page of Swords – guardian, responsibilities, virtue

If I can’t have my family to support me, I need to look to other venues.  My responsibilities at work will still be there, I can pay attention to them.  My spirituality will still be with me, I can focus on that for a while. My own life truths that are still solid can be something I can lean on when I need someone or something to help me when my family won’t.

How can I use this to help me?
XVII – The Star – hope, renewal, serenity

Getting past the family meeting is going to be hard, but I’ll know that, after some time, I’ll be able to look up and see my true path again.  And knowing where I’m going will give me that sense of hope I see when I look at the night sky.  That serenity that, may not now, but things will soon be okay.  This won’t last forever.

tarotofthekittenofblade: I liked it earlier, but went back through to find it. I would have been disappointed if you hadn’t of used the black cats!! So cute!!

mutant-wolf2: There were a few spreads I specifically knew I wanted to use the Black Cats, and yours was definitely one of them! I really liked this spread, too. It’s very clear and to the point.

tarotofthekittenoftheblade: This, the crucifigo, and jump – mario – jump made lots of people go, “eeeehhh”.

I’m so happy you completed it too!!

mutant-wolf2: The only spread I was nervous about was Jump-Mario-Jump because of how many cards other people were pulling, but then I saw someone (probably the creator) mention cutting the deck multiple times. But still, nine cards is a lot.

Oh gosh! I thought after moving my stuff out I didn’t think I would finish! I was so sad! But I’m so happy I did! I was around for the first spread-a-day last year, but was too intimidated to do it. I did say in a few posts that if there ever was another one that I would definitely participate.

And I did!

tarotofthekittenofblade: I said the same thing! I was finishing school and working, so.

I was nervous about jump mario jump, but decided to keep going.

mutant-wolf2: Yay tarot! I didn’t know how much fun it would be!

Spread-A-Day: Day 3

Date: February 3, 2015
Deck:
Shadowscapes Tarot
Created By:
 innerselfnotes

Day 3

“What does February hold for me?”

First, I had the cards in laid out in a row. Then I put then in a 3×3 grid so I could take a picture of them (because that’s so much more important than figuring them out). But when I placed them in the grid, I found that each row, before I looked up the meanings of the individual cards, had a theme.

Day 3b

Two of Pentacles
keeping everything in motion, flexible, adaptable

I feel a lot of turbulence will be headed my way in February, a little at work but more so at home and with family. I need to keep my chin up as I go through the old song and dance with my sisters regarding my dad. One wrong move, however, and it was all for naught.

Queen of Swords
honesty, inner knowledge, “accurate perceptions of the world around her and for her experiences”

With this situation with my dad I have always been honest to what I have seen and experienced. I’m going to have to stick to my guns when I’m with my sisters because all I have, in regards to their questions, is what I know. I feel there is going to come a moment during this month where I will have to stop and figure out the answer to a hard, personal question. I’m also going to have to be honest with myself.

Ten of Cups
serenity, peace, success

This card is not telling me what is going to happen if the family meetings goes well (though that would be nice); this card is telling what the outcome might be if I choose my steps wisely when meeting my sisters. Keeping my emotions under control, that’s not to say don’t show them, but rather let them out in a constructive manner, will help tremendously. I will need to think before I speak. My words have more power in then than I realize. They are hear to listen to I have to say, so what I say finally has some worth.

If all goes well, then we will end the day, not necessarily with happiness (because this is not a happy meeting), but with a sense of accomplishment. We came together for a purpose and now that we’ve all had our say in the matter, we are granted some peace.

The first three cards are warnings when dealing with my sisters and discussing the situation that has arisen because of my dad. I need to keep my balance by not throwing up my personal, defensive shields. I need to be flexible, but I also need to speak the truth while pleasing everyone. If I do this difficult, tricky dance correctly, we will all come out stronger as a family.

Day 3c

Five of Cups
loss, mourning, regret

In my Wheel of Your Year spread, the Five of Cups was the main theme for February. So I’m not surprised that it showed up when I asked about February. I sometimes see snapshots in my mind during readings, and when contemplating the Five of Cups, I saw an older man with his back toward me and a younger girl in the process of turning away from me. The girl had a sad smile on her face. They both were heading toward a very strong, bright, white light. I have a distinct feeling on who the older man is and the fear that he will die. While the family is preparing for the inevitable end (as his health is failing him in real life), I know it will still be a shock when that phone does ring.

XVIII – The Moon
fears, anxieties, disorientation, experiencing distortion

It is because of this older man dying, of who he represented to me and all that he has done for me, I feel that I will become lost. That disorientation of ‘who’s going to be there now?’ kind of lost. ‘I don’t know what to do’ distortion of life. I also feel that it will be my mother whose fears about this man not being in her life, while are many, will overload her. And her wanting to control everything will become out of control.

Ace of Cups
love, compassion, creativity

I will not have strayed from the path for very long. It is my friends who will help me find my way again. With their love and compassion, their understanding and time, I will travel the road once more. Maybe not as fast as I had been going, but I will be back. And when I get back, my creativity, which will have been stifled during this black time, will keep me up at night, wondering what project I’m going to do next. I will mourn if I need to, but I will also remember the good times I had.

In the Five of Cups, I also saw a younger girl (I also believe I know who it is). I feel that while we will both be going through hard times this month, she will blossom with love and creativity near the end. I will see her smile again. A smile that I had not seen in a very long time.

I don’t know if the cards can forecast a death, but I truly feel that is what I am being told. I know death can also be a metaphor for transitions and changes, but my instinct is not telling me that. There is true sadness. I am encouraged to know that my time being lost will not be long.

Day 3d

XII – The Hanged Man
surrendering, emotional release, giving up control, “a subtle shifting of the state of mind”

In regards to the situation with my dad and the meeting with my sisters, it is advised that I stop holding on so dear to what I know to be THE TRUTH. While it is the truth, for myself, it doesn’t do any good if I also don’t listen to what my sisters have to say. And not just pretend to listen only to go back to THE TRUTH, but really listen. I have my truth, but they also have theirs, and while they may not be saying it outright, it’s between the lines.

Six of Swords
“passage away from difficulties,” regretful but necessary transition

February is going to be particularly hard month for me, so much so that I’m going to want to just throw in the towel and not care any more. Just let someone else handle it. But that’s not meeting the challenge, is it? These events are in my life for a reason, it’s time I shakily face them and learn from them.

Three of Wands
explore, seek out the uncharted, expand your horizons

After I have truly faced what has befallen me, my emotions laid bare, I said what I needed to say and I contemplated what I did not know before, after all of that… am I free to make my own path. Major components in my life will have changed drastically, but I can use them to my advantage if I listen to their lessons and apply them to my life.

These last three cards were, in some shape or form, advice for me for the month of February. They seem to be arranged in a first-then-last format. I am not looking forward for February, but with what I have been given, I can hopefully make it easier.

Date: December 28th, 2014
Deck: Black Cat Tarot
Spread: Wheel of Your Year (slightly modified to add three crossings, cards 19/20 from this spread)

1) Significator. This card represents you as you go into the new year.11-xi-justice

XI – Justice – fairness, truth, law

As I go into the New Year, I am hanging onto what is right and what is wrong, especially what happened during the month of December. I had two talks with two different people and they both were about, to some degree, what I thought was right and what I thought was wrong; about what I did because I wanted to be right, but my actions were wrong; about what I know to be the truth and what form justice should take.

2) January.

swords-4

4 of Swords – contemplation, recuperation, rest

I need to stop whatever I’ve been fighting and just relax. The first month should be about me recuperating my mind and emotions. I don’t need to fight-fight-fight all the time, that will just wear me down. I need to stop and get myself together because the battle is not done. I’ve got work to do.

3) February.

cups-5

5 of Cups – loss, disappointment, bereavement

I think this is going to be a hard month for me. I have a feeling that I’ll still be battling whatever I’m going through, but I will also have losses that have to do with a father-like figure and someone I regard as a sister. Because in the image I had, they felt like family but were not blood related. They have a sad smile on their faces, turn away from me, and walk towards a bright light. Cliche, I know, but that’s what I saw. And I will be left watching them go.

4) March.

12-xii-the-hanged-man

XII – The Hanged Man – suspension, letting go, sacrifice

I will need to make a significant decision about what happened in the background of February, but I need to hold off until the time is right so that the decision I make can turn into a better outcome. This card may be telling me that I need to sacrifice something close to me to help make the outcome better.

5) April.

pentacles-page

Page of Pentacles – manifestation, financial opportunity, new job

I think the events of the past three months have quieted and died down (aka the fighting is over and we’re all licking our wounds), so now is the time to act on all of those ideas I’ve got running around in my head! With enthusiasm and desire, I can venture into a new hobby or a business venture. Learning, gaining knowledge, attaining wisdom and new skills are what I should be focusing on.

6) May.

2-ii-the-high-priestess

II – The High Priestess – intuition, higher powers, subconscious mind

I feel this month has much to do with my spirituality. The High Priestess represents Artemis but I do not think she will be the main focus here. She will be by my side helping, definitely, but my sight is on something else. If I take the time to pursue what I want, I will get it. Whatever spiritually “it” is.

7) June.

wands-knight

Knight of Wands – energy, passion, lust, adventure

This is the month for me to go-go-go! Lots of running around, I feel, being productive toward a physical goal. Taking those leaps and bounds; keep my eyes on the prize.

8) July.

wands-8

8 of Wands – speed, action, air travel

The energy and movement from June carries over into July as what I’m working toward is now turing into a real thing that I can touch. Something physical. I know I have some travel plans for July, hopefully they come true!

9) August.

swords-queen

Queen of Swords – quick thinker, organized, perceptive, independent

Now that what I’ve been building has been made into something I can touch and see and feel, it’s time to get the details together about it. And I need to do it quick. This is the month for me to use my brain instead of my heart.

10) September.

wands-6

6 of Wands – public recognition, progress, (victory)

In June and July, I’m running around trying to get this thing into existence. In August, it will be made with the i’s dotted and the t’s crossed. And in September, whatever it is, is going to get the spotlight. I feel I may be attributed to that recognition, but I will be seen as the “man behind the curtain” (hence ‘victory’ is in parenthesis). The real focus will be on the object/idea.

11) October.

cups-7

7 of Cups – fantasy, illusion, wishful thinking

Options. I’m going to be given options, a lot of them. And my imagination is going to go into overdrive as I think about each one and what they could all positively bring. I can’t have it all so I need to be clear about what I want exactly and then make informed decisions. It may be that taking the second rate option will turn out to be far better than grabbing onto the first rate opportunity.

12) November.

cups-6

6 of Cups – reunion, nostalgia, memories

I feel this card is dealing with my sister or the sister-like relationship from February. We will reconcile and talk about “the good ole days.” Understanding and hugging will happen.

13) December.

swords-8

8 of Swords – isolation, self-imposed restriction

This is me ‘punishing’ myself for something. This has nothing to do with any influences from friends or family. This is all me. It may be an action I did that, while it wasn’t the wrong thing to do, I felt that it was terrible, and so I’m locking myself in my room, feeling bad about whatever happened. When in all reality, it’s just me looking at myself too harshly, as everyone else is fine with what I did or don’t even care. Inside my room, I am brooding. Outside my room, no one gives a second thought about it. They just want me to come out and join them.

14) Crossing 1. Over-arching challenges, situations, or influences that will be crossing my path, for better or worse.

cups-1-ace

Ace of Cups – love, compassion, overwhelming emotion

I will be giving so much love this year and in return people will be drowning me with their love and compassion. When I say drown, I mean, holy crap, you guys better stop or I’m going to cry. I probably will cry from happiness at least once this year.

15) Crossing 2. Over-arching challenges, situations, or influences that will be crossing my path, for better or worse.

cups-8

8 of Cups – escapism, abandonment, withdrawal

I don’t like the keywords. The card tells me that while I may be content with what I have, I want to see what’s beyond the comfort of my home. My little white book says, “Departure. Even in the most stable and comfortable situations there may always be a woodworm of restlessness that obliges us to set out on our travels.” I have a feeling that I’m going to get that itch to travel, to roam, to explore what’s beyond my backdoor. Only question is… will I do it? Will I pack up and go? If I do, will it be temporary, just a quick trip, or am I settling down somewhere? I get the feeling that wherever I go, it’s going to be far. I just don’t know the longevity.

16) Crossing 3. Over-arching challenges, situations, or influences that will be crossing my path, for better or worse.

6-vi-the-lovers

VI – The Lovers – love, union, values alignment

I don’t think I’ll be getting into a romantic relationship this year, so far as the cards are telling me, but whomever I do have any kind of relationship with (parent, sibling, friend, etc), we will be growing closer this year. I feel this has to do with friends at work. We will be in sync; unstoppable. But who knows, with Ace of Cups and The Lovers as two of my crossings for next year, maybe I will begin a relationship.

January-February-March: These first three months are going to be hard and I will have to be careful about what I say and do. Contemplation is needed, especially in March. I see the cards, in this order, as a fall-winter-spring metaphoric progression.

April: A new venture or new activity… this may have something to do with what will be starting in June.

May: Much spirituality! Very magic! (Aaaaand Artemis just whacked me over the head because I made that joke.)

June-July-August-September: Busy busy busy! I will see this thing from when it was just a baby thought all the way to presenting itself out into the world. This is going to be interesting. Also, there is a crap ton of positivity and productivity oozing from June and July. Jus’ sayin’.

October-November-December: I dream of better things; I remember better things; I lock myself away because the thing I did was not better. I can see the cards, in order, as a kind of night-dawn-day when looking at the colors.

Majors: 4/16
Cups: 5/16
Swords: 3/16
Wands: 3/16
Pentacles: 1/16

What’s My Life Purpose?

Date: December 9th, 2013
Deck: Black Cats Tarot
Spread From: I made it up.

A few days ago I had suddenly been a little obsessed with finding out what my life purpose was, or at least a part of it.  And so I made up this five-card spread.  With a few quick changes in wording, I think it could also be a What Do I Need To Work On? spread.

1) What is my purpose for this lifetime?

wands-6-x

6 of Wands (reversed) – egotism

I feel this can also mean pride or wanting to be center of attention. Over the years I have learned that I can be quite prideful of work I have done or achieved. However, while I feel that others should at least acknowledge what I have done, no one does… because I don’t tell them. The reason I don’t tell people is because I know that what I’ve done is a small little thing that is only important to me… and yet I still want to be highly praised for my good work.

So, my life purpose (or part of it, at least) is to know that it’s okay to take pride in what I’ve done, but to not put my pride before me.

2) How can I achieve that?

cups-1-ace

Ace of Cups – love, compassion, creativity

Take any opportunity I can to show people that I love them, to show compassion, and to let my creativity soar when it comes to others and sharing emotions. I need stop closing in on myself and let others see what I can offer in regards to loving them, especially if peace can flow.

3) What can I do to be one step closer to my life purpose?

cups-5-x

5 of Cups (reversed) – moving on, acceptance, forgiveness

Okay, this card has come up a few times during tarot readings for myself, and I think I know what it’s about on the small scale and the big picture of my life.

When I see this card it reminds me of when I was mourning the end of relationship earlier this year. I see myself curled up and crying because of the sudden loss of happiness and joy… and I’m still feeling the effects from it. They emotions aren’t as sharp as they used to be but I know why they were caused. I need to accept what happened and the reasons behind it.

In general, I need to understand that I’m going to get hurt. From the big life changes to the little words that people say that sting. I need to accept that these things happen and move on.

4) What is blocking me from achieving my life purpose?

wands-knight-x

Knight of Wands (reversed) – haste, scattered energy, frustration

I am trying to achieve too much. I want to learn everything I can about my spirituality, my paganism, Artemis, am I meditating right?, am I seeing Artemis the same way everyone else does?, am I the only one who believes this?, crocheting, reading, printing everything out from my computer… I want to compete ALL OF THE THINGS!!!

But I can’t, because I’m only human. So when I want to do something but for some reason I can’t, I can get frustrated that I’m not advancing on this project like I wanted to be.

5) How can I overcome this blockage?

wands-8

8 of Wands – speed, action, movement

I need to stop being so scatter brained and just focus on one or two things. I have all of this energy and ideas that, if I continued to want to do everything, then nothing is going to get done. But if I use channel this energy into a couple of things, then progress will come all the more swiftly.

Spread-A-Day: Day 2

I didn’t participate in the Spread-A-Day Challenge (though if they do something like this again, I probably will), but I saved the prompts. So you’ll see me do Spread-A-Day posts even if it is long past.

What is blocking my creativity?

19-xix-the-sun-x

XIX – The Sun (reversed) – temporary depression, lack of success

If this is about the failed relationship from earlier this year, which I would have to say it is because this was also the card I pulled when I did a reading on what happened in the end, then yes.  We work in the same company, though not necessarily the same department (unless I go to their department), so I’ve had to put on a game face whenever I have to work in her area.  When we broke up, of which I was completely against because it was out of the blue, it did honestly feel like the sun had gone away.  I was the saddest I’d ever been in my life.  It was hard and it still feels like the sun isn’t totally out yet.

I pulled a clarifier card just to see, and I got XI – Justice (reversed).

11-xi-justice-x

Which is another card from the reading I did for our relationship.  I felt it totally unfair that this person, whom I thought was as happy as I was in our relationship, would do this.  I felt that this person shouldn’t put all the supposed blame on me when I didn’t even know what was going on.  I was angry and wanted this person to take accountability for their actions.

Yeah, so this tells me that this first position is about how the break up from early June is affecting me creatively.

How can I overcome this obstacle?

cups-5-x

5 of Cups (reversed) – moving on, acceptance, forgiveness

I thought I wasn’t as hung up about the break up as these cards are telling me.  For me to push past this situation that has clearly clouded my view of what is in front of me, I need to accept that it happened, accept that this person actually had the guts to tell me what they told me as a reason to break up.  I need to forgive this person for the heartache they caused me from that day and from all the heartache from the few conversations we’ve had since, which have only caused me pain.  I need to move on from this.

What is the first step I need to regain control?

2-ii-the-high-priestess

II – The High Priestess – intuition, higher powers, mystery

Oh boy, does this card tell me a lot! First of all, I can get my creativity back with my spirituality.  Enhance my intuition; reach out to the higher powers or deities, and keep that child-like attitude when learning about the unknown.  Also, there is pressure on my third eye at the moment, so I’m doing something right.

“The High Priestess is also known as Persephone, Isis, the Corn Maiden and Artemis.”

son-of-a-bitch

Artemis, you keep showing up!  Fine!  I’ll talk to someone about you!  And Isis, you’re pulling on my attention, too.  I guess I’ve got some more research to do.

“She represents spiritual enlightenment and inner illumination, divine knowledge and wisdom. She has a deep, intuitive understanding of the Universe and uses this knowledge to teach rather than to try to control others.”  “The High Priestess is a very spiritual card.” Yes, I need to keep studying spirituality and what I know.  I need to keep in contact with the Universe during my meditations.

“She is tied to the moon, to femininity, and to inspiration.”  I love the moon.  I really do.  I am so much a child of the moon. (there’s even a moon on the card!)  I’ve been told by the cards that I need to get in touch with my more feminine side, and I guess, somewhere down the road, start teaching or giving advice about tarot, whatever deities I follow, or just spirituality in general.

“On the plus side, you will find that your intuitive powers are increasing and you may be inspired to be creative.”  Well, would you look at that.  I will get my creativity back if I just keep at it with my spiritual studies.