Date: May 5th, 2015
Deck: Shadowscapes Tarot
What Makes Me Angry?
V – The Hierophant – conformity, tradition, (group) identification
This card really threw me for a loop when I first saw it, but I understand it now. I have always been the sort of Black Sheep of the family. The one to always ‘do her own thing’. Not that other members in my family haven’t ventured out on their own, they have made fantastic lives, but I was the one to go further, to think deeper. The one to keep asking questions because I wasn’t satisfied with the status quo. I just want to break out on my own and know that I’ll be okay. Wait… Here’s the root of the problem:
I’m 27 years old and I live with my mom. I’m… okay with that. I’m actually saving up money for a down payment on a house or a town home, but I am so fucking ready to be on my own. I’m grateful for my mom letting me live here until I can get the place I want, but I’ve outgrown this place. I need my own space for my own things… and my own practices. I want something to call mine.
The Message Underneath
Eight of Wands – “the beginning of a long journey towards a goal”, “…it speeds towards reward with hope and momentum”
Well, well, well, if this isn’t the exact right card the question. I’ve still got a long way to go before I can sign on the dotted line and call a place “my home”. I may go stir crazy because I haven’t found it yet nor am I in the position to be looking, but if I just know that I will get what I want in the long run, then everything will run smoothly. I feel there will be some one or something in the background lending a hand to my goal.
How To Heal This
XIII – Death – going through transition, endings and beginnings
I almost want to say to let go of the “Why aren’t I in my own home?” notion because focusing on that is only going to get me to focus on the fact that I still live with my mom. But living with my mom and having a place in her house is my transition phase. It will be slow going but the few years I’ll be here, somewhere out there, plans are coming together, machinery is moving to get things aligned. I’ll know when the right time to leave my mom’s and find a place of my own will be, but for right now, I need to build my resources and keep learning.
Okay, can we just look at the cards? Do you see how much motion and activity is going on in the background of all of the cards? And with such bright colors! I feel like I am being told to just chill for a little bit while the details get worked out. I love this spread.